Cup of Tea

...life is like a cup of tea...
You sit by the window, lift the cup and take careless sip only to realize somebody forgot to add sugar...
Too lazy to go for it, you somehow struggle through the sugarless tea till you discover sugar crystals lying at the bottom...
That's what life is- shaken but not stirred...

...if Shakespeare had never existed would the world have differed much from what it is now? Does the progress of civilization depend upon great men?...by Virginia Woolf

...if i love myself despite of my infinite faults, how can i hate anyone at the glimpse of their few faults...

...once i did bad and that i heard ever,
twice i did good but that i heard never...

...if you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing...by Benjamin Franklin

...if you can dream- and not make dreams your master;
if you can think and not make thoughts your aim...by Rudyard Kipling

In Bangalore again...

* Commuted through the much hated night bus:((
* Had to change my final destination as the driver was more enthusiastic to reach the destination earlier than me...
*Because of this change in station i had to bear the sight of someone whom i despise the most...
*Once done with all this, i hit the streets of Bangalore to get one important item which i was told i wouldn't
get in my place...
*Two hours of desperate search ended at last when one of the shopkeeper's tells me that particular item is
out of stock from several months so no chance that i would get it anywhere...
*Finding an alternative for the same item i proceeded further...
*Too bad i decided to take a bus than an auto (which was a mistake indeed)
*The traffic moved as usual in inches or rather slower than that...
*When at last the bus reached a traffic free zone pphhhzzzzz goes the automatic doors of the bus
which get locked never to be opened again...
*Mind acted quickly thinking how the driver would unlock the door; if not then how each person in the bus
would have to jump out of the window once they reached their respective stops...
*Much sweat did the driver shed but the door didn't budge...
*More people gathered to help in the process only then the door was pleased...

Likewise the list can go on forever but....forget it...

The hidden iceberg

Going through the pages of 'Flirting with Pete' reminded me of Freud's theory of Psychoanalysis which i thoroughly enjoyed reading while doing my master's...
His ideas of unconcious mind, the Oedipus complex, the Id and the Ego fascinated me and I even believed it to be true to some extent, especially the idea that "2/3rd of our experiences are unconscious while the rest constitutes our conscious mind...
What we are today is the result of our past experiences more importantly the negative experiences which, if suppressed, could indirectly control our conscious actions...
This unconscious mind Freud called an Iceberg''...
As in Flirting with Pete where Casey identifies herself with her client for having an imposter complex; I used to analyze my life events in terms of Freud's theory (later which i felt stupid about)!
Going one step further, sometimes i imagined myself to be having more problems than the kids i worked (ofcourse that's not a comparision to be made)...
That's because, whenever i had terrible mood swings i imagined to be a manic- depressive;
later i was sure that i had only depression;
suffered from sibling rivalry (which i think everybody goes through at some point of time);
being interested in Freud's dream analysis and after expereincing dreams almost everyday (even lucid dreams sometimes) i thought they were all an indirect manifestation of my suppressed experiences!!!
Now i know all that stuff was just tooo much...
Not that Freud's theories were wrong but my imagination was....
Whatever it is Freud's ideas amuses me every time i read more about him....

ಅನ್ವೇಷಣ

ನನ್ನ ಮನ:ಮುಟ್ಟಿದ ಭೈರಪ್ಪನವರ "ಅನ್ವೇಷಣ" ಪುಸ್ತಕದ ಕೆಲವು ಆಯ್ದ ಸಾಲುಗಳು...
"ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ನಡೆಯುವ ವಿಚಾರವನ್ನು ಯಾರಿಗೂ ಹೇಳಲು ಶಕ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ. ಮ0ದಿಗೆ ತಿಳಿಯುವುದೂ ಇಲ್ಲ.
ವಿಚಿತ್ರ ಅ0ದರೆ ಮತ್ತೊಬ್ಬರಿಗೆ ಹೇಳುವಾಗ ನಾವೇ ನಮ್ಮ ವಿಷಯವಾಗಿ ಇಲ್ಲಾ ಉತ್ಪ್ರೇಕ್ಷೆ ಮಾಡಿಕೊತ್ತೀವಿ, ಇಲ್ಲಾ ಗೌಣ ಮಾಡಿ ಕೊತ್ತೀವಿ.
ಆ ಕೇಳುವವನ ಸಹಾನುಭೂತಿ ಗಳಿಸಲಿಕ್ಕೆ, ಅವನ ಕಣ್ಣಿನಲ್ಲಿ ನಾವು ಯೋಗ್ಯರು ಅನ್ನಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲಿಕ್ಕೆ, ಬೇಕಾದ ಹ0ಗೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಚಿತ್ರವನ್ನು ತಿದ್ದಿ ತಿದ್ದಿ ವಿಷಯವನ್ನು ನಿರೂಪಿಸ್ತೀವಿ.
ತೀರ ಆತ್ಮೀಯ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ನಮ್ಮ ದೌರ್ಬಲ್ಯವನ್ನು ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಬಹುದು. ಆದರೆ ಅದು ಕೂಡ ಅವನ ಅ0ತ:ಕರಣವನ್ನು ಗೆಲ್ಲುವ ಒಳ ಉದ್ದೇಶದಿ0ದ ಕೂಡಿರುತ್ತದೆ.
ಹೊರಗಿನೋರಿಗೆ ನಾವು ನಿಜ ಹೇಳಲಿಕ್ಕೆ ಸಾಧ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ. ಅದೇನಿದ್ದರೂ ನಮಗೆ ನಾವು ಮಾತ್ರ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಬಹುದು.
ಆದ್ದರಿ0ದ ಒಳಗಿನಿ0ದ ಏನಾದರೂ ಕಲಕಿದಾಗ ಒ0ದು ಪುಸ್ತಕದಲ್ಲಿ ಬರೆದಿಟ್ಟು ಒತ್ತಡ ಕಳಕೊ0ಡು ಬಿಡೂದೇ ಸೂಕ್ತ.
ಡೈರಿ ಮು0ದೆ ಪ್ರಕಟವಾಗ್ತದೆ, ಮತ್ತೊಬ್ಬರ ಕೈಲಿ ಬೀಳ್ತದೆ, ಬೀಳಲಿ ಅ0ಬೋ ಆಶೆಯಿದ್ದರೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಅದು ಸುಳ್ಳಿನ ಸುರುಳಿಯಾಗ್ತದೆ".

My sister

My sister is back home..............
So what????
It's just that my room looks more shabbier....
Clothes are strewn across everywhere....
Whole home is filled with electronic gadgets:her cell phone, music system,walkman, CD player plus their wires....
Everlasting laughs....
Empty wallets....
More requisitions for money....
More phone calls...
Frequent fights for using the same vehicle....
Variety of food items(thank GOD they are edible)...
Loud volume of almost everything: from TV to music system to human voices (that includes my mother's shoutings for her too)....
So our house looks more LIVELIER.....
She is a great destresser...

Home, sweet home...

It's been xactly one month since me and my family members moved into a new house -a rented house...

Having stayed in our own house for more than 20yrs was something luxurious (luxurious because we had the freedom to hammer nails on the walls to hang my mothers' never ending handicrafts, which is not allowed in a rented house).....

All those years i stayed in that house i never really liked it because of sooo many reasons.....such as....

* Important reason- I did not have a room of my own:(((

* Because i did not have my own room I always felt that my mom would find out about some of my secrets....

* Peeping neighbours- who loved to keep a track of others' life's activities ranging from who visited whom, at what time they visited and what time they left to the colour of your dress (sometimes even the dress colour of your guests)....

* Second category neighbours- who delighted themselves (in turn trying to please the GOD) in plucking the flowers from others' garden to perform their everyday pooja at home....

*Third category- who always fell short of a glass of milk or sugar and would come to your door step asking you to lend some.....

Having mentioned these negative aspects I always thought I would never miss the house after moving into a new one. But i was proved wrong just after a week...

Now,I have all the reasons to like the new house because now....

* I have my own room:)))

* House is quite spacious...

* No peeping neighbours.....

* What more, i don't have to mop the floor everyday 'coz nobody can make out on the marble floor if its mopped or not:))))

With all these positive aspects i am actually missing my old 'home'....

May be because i didn't have a separate room then, we all shared certain things together staying in a very close proximity....

Ofcourse there a few things which are really good about the new house but still that 'was' my HOME and it 'is' my new HOUSE now.....

Working with special children

5 statements made by the kids in my special school which can make you laugh:
1. Nikhil- a new comer, a chatter box but with great sense of humor, aged 11yrs.....
The question he asked one of the teachers was- "Gubbi mundugade inda mari hakutta athava hindinidava"?
2.Fareed- as the name indicates a Muslim (the reason am saying about his religion is to stress more on his Urdu mix accent:))), age-10 yrs, always making a mountain of a molehill......replied Nikhil's question- "Hey gubbi motte iduthe kano, mari hakalla....Namma maneli 2 Hennu ide adu motte iduthe gotta".
Listening to the word HENNU we burst out laughing thinking that he misspelled hennu(lady in Kannada) but later he himself gave the meaning that it was a HEN that used to lay eggs!!!!
So he made the Kannada version of the HEN as HENNU:)))))))
3. Pavan- age 14yrs, height- not more than of a 5yr old kid, half a litre of oil poured on his head everyday which would drip from his head till he goes to hostel in the evening. The statement by him which can drives me crazy everyday is.... "Good morning akka, good afternoon akka, good evening akka"....
This drives me crazy because the statement he makes whenever i pass through his class room, be it just few minutes apart.
N more importantly he says this by either folding his hands or saluting me.
4. Irfan- again a Muslim accent, 10yrs, very short built but healthy, protruding ears, very intelligent, always getting pinched by the senior students, had "drawn a picture of a man standing in the rain and had also drawn an umbrella a little away from the man. When asked why he had done that he said 'the wind blew the umbrella away from the man'!!!!!"
5. One more Nikhil: Oiled and spooky hair, 13yrs, always confused be it his subjects or conversation.... There was confusion about his medium of instruction so when the teacher asked him about his previuos school medium he said English medium and so all the teachers taught him in English. But later (3 months) we learned that he had studied in Kannada medium!!!!!

Things like this make me laugh for days but the same kids drive me mad everyday for not less than 100 times......

Jog falls

I was excited to go the Jog falls this time after a long time as i had rained heavily the previous week and in all the news papers there "was" a picture of the falls one day or the other.....

With all the excitement we at last reached Jog only to be shocked by the number of tourists..... its indescribable......

Not only this put me off but it was also the fog which took all the excitement away......

As soon as i saw falls my first thoughts were...ok this is it 'this is Jog falls, let's go back'.....

But as time elapsed there were glimpses of the waterfall now and then but the constant distractions were the "people"- innumerable people present there (later we learnt that there were some 60,000 people there that very same day)......

Only beautiful sight of the falls came when we were near the British Bunglow......

But to reach that destination we had already taken some 2-3hrs as the number of vehicles were lined upto 5-6kms!!!!!!!

As usual bored with the long traffic jam me and my friend decided to walk....and we walked and wlaked and walked.....which was really great as i was craving for this kind of a change from a very long time......

As a whole nice experience both looking at the people and the waterfall....more of the people than the waterfall i guess:)))))

A picture is worth.....

They say a picture is worth thousand words.....
But i always believed that a few words can create thousand pictures in your head.....
Something similar happened with me whenever i used to read one particular blog (whose name i don't want to mention)......
His ideas always fascinated me whenever i read his blogs and more importantly his photographs (of nature) spoke million words about his character.....
But recently while i was browsing through something accidentally i happened to see this person's photograph......
And i had a kind of weird feeling because my imagination about the person was something completely different (including the looks) but after looking at the photo i felt there was some kind of a misfit somewhere.....
And more interestingly, i had taken a trip to Jog falls this weekend and there i saw a person who looked exactly like this BLOG person (i recognized him because i had seen his photo just the previous day).....
At that moment i even thought that it's him....
But am still not sure......
If it was the same person then i must say that his blogs, his own picture and himself (the person whom i actually saw) doesn't match at all.....
The main reason for this was just because the person whom i saw was smoking!!!!!
But the BLOG person is soooooo much socially concerned and i wouldn't think that a person like him would be SMOKING.....
And more importantly, he did not have a CAMERA with him.....
That was even more a misfit as its impossible to imagine HIM without a camera (atleast not when was in Jog falls at this season).....
Whatever am still confused if saw the right person or just.........may be hallucinated:)))
So i think a picture can surely speak a thousand words but sometimes it also erases a thousand pictures that you have in your mind about someone (or something) which was formed because of their words.....

"Shantaram"

I have been reading this book called Shantaram written by Gregory David Roberts....
Though the first look of the book doesn't really tempt you to read it, ('coz the cover page looks very old and the number of pages are some 937:))))))) its really a good book.....
Moreover its a true story!!!!!!
The protagonist escapes from a prison in Australia and comes to Bombay......
There he encounters many people and starts living in the slum where he later opens his own 'First Aid' clinic to the slum people......
In the meantime he falls in love, goes to jail (without any complaint against him!!!which is usual in the Indian scenario) and luckily comes out with a Mafia support....
Later ofcourse he joins the mafia because he has to repay his debt to the master who released him from the jail.....
N later he joins him in Mujahideen war against the Russians......
There are lot of stories but its thrilling and at the same time there is a tinge of philosophical touch to the whole story...
And that makes it all more interesting.....
There is one point where in he says about "suffering" which goes like: "Is it not true that some of our strenght comes from suffering? That suffering hardship makes us stronger? That those of us who have never known a real hardship and true suffering cannot have the same strength as others, who have suffered much? And if that is true, does that not mean that our argument is the same thing as saying that we have to be weak to suffer and we have to suffer to be strong, so we have to be weak to be strong".
Though complicated its a good one.....
In another situation he says: "One of the reasons why we crave love and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness and shame and sorrow.
But some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again. Some truth about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them.
And some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you."

Deaths in Tihar Jail

Seven deaths in seven days in Tihar jail was one of the top stories of yesterday's news........
Although am not a regular 'TV news wathcher', this particular topic caught my attention......
Seven inmates of the jail died because of different reasons ranging from diabetes to dehydration to drug addiction.......
It was told the main reason could be the scorching heat of Delhi which was upto 43 degrees last week.......
And also the jail is meant to accomodate some 5,000 prisoners but now the number exceeds 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!
No wonder people are dying.........
The National Human Rights Commission is 'supposed' to find details about the deaths.......
But what's the point in just investigating and not finding any solution for the problem......
That's because i think they are not answerable to anyone and also nobody bothers to question them.........

Gangubai Hanagal

As i read through the columns in the newspaper about the birthday celebration of the legendary vocalist Mrs. Gangubai Hanagal i was taken back to the days when i had visited Mrs. Gangubai's house with my friend to shoot a documentary about the musical journey of Mrs. Hanagal.....
Inspite of having high temperature she could manage to tell her stories for continous 2hrs.....
As stated by her,she started singing at the age of 8/9 yrs, her mother being her Guru.....
Though her mother was a Hindustani singer she shifted to Karnatic style just to teach the same for her daughter.......
Her mother had to be present for all her concerts......
But at the time of her mother's untimely death Mrs. Hanagal decided to quit singing completely but only to be coaxed by her husband later to resume her singing.......
Then it was her uncle who would accompany her for all her concerts.......
She travelled extensively to many Indian cities (E.g. Calcutta and Pune) which were considered to be very far during that time:)))))))))
And the renumeration that she got for singing would be lots....thats Rs.20 to Rs. 25!!!!!!!!!
At later times she used to walk bare foot everyday for about 15 kms to reach her Guru's place which is called Kundgol (15 mins from Hubli)........
At present this place is well known for its yearly music programmes from musicians all over India which goes on continously (day and night without any break) for 2 days........
She even has a museum at her house comprising of all the musical notes, instruments and ofcourse her awards......
Though her daughter's death 3 yrs ago gave her a big blow, she hasn't quit singing even now.......
And that's what makes her a legend even at the age of 95 (turns this May)......

Roots of India

This is one of my favourite pictures (one of the good pictures i have taken till date or i think so!!!!!!!)

Breathtaking Agumbe Ghats

I had heard about Agumbe ghats from the time i was a child but i always 'thought' that there isn't anything great about that place.....
Don't know why i always felt that its just another place to drop by and there can't be anything interesting......
Many times i felt it would be something similar to Charmadi ghats which i used to pass by every month as i was studying somewhere near that area........
But all these thoughts were indeed proved wrong when i was travelling this time from Udupi to Shimoga.....
I still have its picture in mind so clearly that i can hardly get it out of mind for a few days.......
Wherever i could spread my eyes i could see only trees and trees and trees and nothing but trees......
Only on reaching at the 9th curve i could see the roads below and few buildings and that was possible because we had reached the highest point there!!!!!!!!(God knows how many feets above the ground:0)
I had again 'thought' that 9th curve was the higher most place but nooooooo there was still more to come.....
We totally passed 13 curves but ofcourse nothing was as beautiful and stunning as it looked from the 9th curve......
After passing all curves i realized that i had to breathe because all that time i was holding my breath without my knowledge......
Though am quite phobic about heights i could manage to look below (that's coz i was in the bus:))
But whatever it is i should admit that it's not a place to be missed out in one's life time.....
I now know why it's been labelled as "the Chirapunji of South India".....

"Very good to meet you"

"Very good to meet you shruthi".........
This is the remark which i got last week from one of the kids who had visited our institute........
So what's special about it?
Ofcourse just to read the message it looks very simple but these words were not actually verbalised by the kid but he showed it to me by pointing to the letters from the alphabet sheet he carried with him wherever he went........
Thats because the child is Autistic (a disorder wherein, though the child has the capacity to speak n comprehend what the others' are telling still he fails to carry out his speaking capacity.....i.e his receptive language is very good but not his expressive language)......
He can perfectly understand what am i telling him but even if he wants he cannot answer me because he autistic......
But the child is fortunate that he is residing in the United States and receiving excellent special education........
Am calling him fortunate 'coz not many children with the same problem in India get the same kind of training.......
And what more, his parents are extremly supportive (though i thought his father pushed him a little too hard) .......
After i tried so hard to talk to him and he didn't utter a word, i finally gave up......
But only to find him pointing towards the letters which read "Very good............"
That gave a satisfaction.........